Friday, June 29, 2007

Pick Me (Jen) for the World Series of Pop Culture

I was watching VH1 last night and they had a marathon of the 2006 World Series of Pop Culture. When it originally ran in 2006, I had no idea that it was even going on - that there was such a thing as the 2006 World Series of Pop Culture. Well, I take that back. I think Amanda had mentioned something about a casting call in New York (I think). But even so - I didn't know it was going to be the way it was. I think I could've kicked some major ass on that show. And now the 2007 World Series of Pop Culture is airing in about two weeks - where was I this time for the casting call?

Well, in case anyone hears about the 2008 casting, here is a highlight of my qualifications to be on the show:

TV: an uncanny knowledge of what happens in an episode just by reading the TV Guide description. Shows include, but are not limited to: The Cosby Show (pre-cousin Pam because the show just wasn't the same after that), The Brady Bunch (even the ones with Cousin Oliver), Little House on the Prarie (even when Charles and Caroline left the prarie to Laura, Almanzo, Rose and Jenny), Facts of Life (pre-Pippa because the show kind of went downhill from there), Different Strokes, Friends, Will & Grace, GI Joe, mid-late 80s General Hospital, late 80s-90s Days of Our Lives, etc.
Let me hit you with some (useless) knowledge:
Name all four outlaws from the A-Team - Face, Murdoch, BA and Hannibal
Favorite GI Joe episode - When Cobra kidnapped some of the Joes' families and brainwashed them into carrying out an evil plot to get a valuable, but deadly chemical. And Shipwreck's nephew was the last one to actually zap out of the brainwash.
Celebrity Pop stars to appear on Facts of Life: DeBarge and Stacey Q
Who played Jenny on Little House: Shannen Doherty
The only Brady Bunch song that doesn't appear on their CD: '(Let Me Hear Some of That) Good Time Music'
Who is He-Man's ghostly sidekick: Orko (Battle Cat was his 'steed')

Thunder Cats battle cry: 'Thunder Cats....HOOOOOOO!'


Movies: not my strongest category (this is where Amanda would come in) but I have seen a lot of movies and I like the 80s cheesy ones.
Who was Yentil - Babs Streisand
Four main characters in Footloose - Ariel, Ren, Willard and Rusty (only Melissa knows that Ariel's ex boyfriend is Chuck)
Other lesser known movie that a young SJParker was in - 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun'
Karate Kid II theme song - 'Glory of Love'
Key Line in 'The Goonies' - "Sloth Love Chunk"
Other stripper chic in 'Flashdance' - Cynthia Rhodes (aka - Mrs Richard Marx)
Other stuff you've seen her in - 'Dirty Dancing, ' 'Stayin' Alive,' and the reincarceration of Animotion ('Room to Move')

Can't think of anything else off the top of my head.


Music: I love all music except country. Especially 80s music. I've listened to music from when I can remember - Neil Diamond, Simon & Garfunkel, ABBA, Johnny Cash, New Edition, grunge, rock, alternative, new wave - love it all (except country).
Name some one hit wonders - Scritti Politti (I've Got the Perfect Way), Dexi's Midnight Runners, Thomas Dolby, Falco (Amadeus), Nena, Eddie Murphy, Jermaine Stewart, Ollie & Jerry, Bruce Willis
Who did Patty Smythe from Scandal marry - John MacEnroe
What song played while Ren was on the tractor playing chicken in Footloose - 'I Need a Hero' - Bonnie Tyler
What song played when the Reverend caught Ariel dancing in Footloose - 'Dancing in the Sheets' - Shalamar



Fashion Trends: keds, day-glo, friendship beads, friendship bracelets, slap on bracelets, leggings, Wigwam socks, krimped hair....must I go on.

So here is just a sampling of what I could do for a team in the World Series of Pop Culture, should I ever make it on. I do seem to know a lot about Footloose. Amen.

What's That Smell?!

Ever wonder, when you enter a public bathroom with multiple stalls, which stall is used the most, the least? I always thought that the stalls farthest from the door are the most used, along with the penthouse stalls (aka - handicap). The reasoning is because if you're in there to do a #2, you want to be as far away from the door as possible in case it becomes an audible.
But I don't think it's the use of the stalls that concern me as much as it used to, when I first became a slave for corporate America. Now, it's what goes on in those stalls and what happens in the aftermath.
I just got back from the bathroom and I decided to go for stall #1 - the farthest from the door. It wasn't because I had to poops (hee hee) - I just wanted a change of 'scenery' - see what was up behind door #1 and how it could be different than what's behind door #3 - the stall I used earlier in the day. The difference? The toilet in #3 was not centered in the stall so it was very close to the toilet paper dispenser to where your arm was up against it when you sat on the seat.
Unfortunately, when I was in stall #1, there was an immediate assault on my nostrils. It was quite obvious that the previous occupant of either stall 1 or 2 did have to poops. It was also equally obvious that said occupant tried to mask their activity by spraying something resembling imposter's body spray. They were quite liberal with the spraying cause I really thought I was going to pass out from all the different fumes going up my nose. Thank goodness I made it out of there alive and coherent but I now smell like the perfume section at your local department store.
Unless you have an advanced public bathroom that automatically sprays a pleasant scent every 5-10 minutes to keep the bathroom smelling fresh, they should really stock these places with matches because I don't think anything short of a match can mask the dooks.

On the brink

I'm sitting in a conference room in Towson ('burb of Baltimore) today, working, cause I'm on my way up to Jersey for the weekend.
The brightside: I'm listening to 80s radio on Sky FM off iTunes. 'C'mon Eileen....'
I'm looking forward to hanging with the family since I haven't seen them since April and won't know when I will next see them since we are moving into our new house in mid-August and football season begins soon after and all weekends are pretty much booked through November.
The downside: It's rainy, gloomy, 1:14pm and I swear that the day is DRAGGING. I've been on a conference call since 12 where they were so excited to have me join but I have said and contributed nothing. Instead, I let others speak for me because I have nothing to really say - they seem to know what they're saying so I don't dare interject unless they sign me up for something I'm not willing to do.

So what am I on the brink of? Probably boredom but not so much boredom as a sudden need to want to take a nice nap and think of nothing. If my manager wasn't sitting right outside the door and could come in here at any moment - like right now...
okay - impromptu meeting with manager over. That was actually good timing because my next call is in five minutes and then she gave me the thumbs up to leave after that - yaye!

Like me - she's also on the brink of something other than excitement.

Wannabe Wordsmiths

Okay, I admit it. I watched a few minutes of the Paris Hilton interview on Larry King Live. And I had a couple of observations. The first was how much Paris was concentrating on trying to sound smart. The second was how much she likes the word “literally.” (I literally cried in my bed . . . I was literally terrified, etc.). Of course, I am paraphrasing, but you get the idea. By my count, she used the word at least four times, and I only caught half of the interview. Her use of the word was not entirely wrong – it’s not as if she said she was “literally scared to death” (to which I would respond, no, you were figuratively scared to death), but I get the feeling she just latched onto that word one day and decided she was going to throw it into her vernacular like a “like” or an “um.” She overuses it without really knowing what it means.

I’ve also noticed a growing trend of misusing the words “badly” and “myself.” I constantly hear people say that they “feel badly” about something or for someone. But unless they have problems with their nervous systems, I am pretty sure they mean that they “feel bad.” An old fashioned adjective may not be as fancy as an adverb, but it does happen to be correct in this context. After all, you wouldn’t say you felt sadly. Yet, someone seemed to think that adding more letters would make it sound better. Not so.

“Myself” is another one that seems to be frequently misused. I hear people say things like “if you have any questions, contact so-and-so or myself.” It’s like someone had this crazy epiphany one day, “Hey! You know what would sound smarter? Myself!!” But there’s nothing wrong with “me.” Myself is a reflexive pronoun. Here’s an example sentence, “I wrote this ridiculous grammar snob post all by myself.”

Thursday, June 28, 2007

The 'That's Not My Job' Job

I think during some point of our working lives, we all utter the phrase, 'But that's not my job.' If you haven't, count yourself one of the lucky ones. When you've been working for awhile and you start looking for other jobs, they will no doubt be similar to what you're currently doing and so when you read a job posting and the responsibilities of the position, you have a fair idea of what's expected of you. It's when you get to preparing your resume to apply for that position that you start thinking, 'Wow, I've done a lot of OTHER stuff that's really not my job.'
I am an IT Analyst and PM - what does it all entail? Too much to list here. But for the most part, I analyze people's issues or enhancement requests, see if it would be good for the business, translate those requests to requirements for the developers and see that it is delivered in a timely manner with benefit to all our users - not just the one requesting it. So what else am I doing that isn't part of the Analyst/PM realm? Hmmmm....I do production support and that usually entails a lot of hand holding, repeating things that I've said multiple times already and doing things that these people could definitely do themselves. Mind you, we have a production support group to support us - where are they (in the parking lot smoking - it's a fact)?
More recently, I've been asked to cold-call some of our users. Cold call? Do I look like a sales person? If I even remotely liked cold calling (which I learned all about in marketing class), don't you think I would've chosen another profession other than IT? It baffles me that I was asked to cold call because I don't feel like taking these people off guard. It's not like they'll hang up on me but they could give me the cold shoulder and guess who gets stuck feeling like the turkey (moi).
Ordering office supplies is another task of mine that I tend not to boast about on the resume. Although it shows that I'm capable of supplying a group of 30 with much needed pens, notebooks, and post-its, I just don't think many potential employers will be impressed by that. How did I end up being "the one" that orders for the whole group? Probably because I'm the only one that knows how to order from the internal system - wow, I'm capable AND clever!
All of the examples listed above are those times when I mutter to myself, 'This is NOT my job.' But I do it anyways. Cause I'm a sucker.
Why can't I have one of those 'Not my job' tasks of firing people? That would be awesome cause there's some dead weight that I would've voted off this island LONG ago. Sigh.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Addictions

I thank my lucky stars that I never became addicted to cigarettes, and while I am a social drinker, I am clearly not an alcoholic. But I think everyone has some kind of addiction, whether it be your typical "vice" or something that seems so innocuous. For me, that something is travel mugs from Starbucks.

A few years ago, I was happy with my washed up Einstein Bagels plastic coffee mugs. They were cheap, they were portable, what more could you ask for? But one day, I sprang for the more expensive Starbucks tumbler, and I have not looked back. Everytime there is a holiday, I am on the hunt for new Starbucks travel mugs. Will they have a new design for Easter this year? What about Valentine's Day? I must find out. I currently have about 20 of these things. The only thing slowing me down is the idea that at some point most of the mugs go on sale. For instance, I was happy to wait to buy the spider web and bat designs on November 1, when they were half price. I currently have three candy-cane striped designs, and I use them year round. And this becomes a challenge. On February 15, I searched in vain for the travel mug with the hearts and the pink lid. It was not meant to be, but that did not stop me from going out of my way to case four different Starbucks. When I am at an airport Starbucks in another city, I am always looking for the Starbucks mug of that city. It's sort of like when I collected Hard Rock Cafe shirts, only much more pathetic.

What causes us to have these stupid addictions? Granted, I actually use all of my mugs, but I could just as easily remember to take them home everyday, and get by with just two or three. It is always a pain to find a place for them in the cupboard. And yet, my quest for new designs and colors continues.

For me, at least I know it is inherited. My mom develops similar types of addictions. One day, she was in a T.J. Maxx and found these wooden carved ducks (spelled dcuk) with name tags. I think there were at least six different characters at that store, and she decided she had to have them all, even though she had no idea what she would do with them. She got up to the high school cashier boy, who gave her a look, to which she responded in deadpan, "I have a lot of ducks." She then went through this whole dilemma of what to do with the ducks. Sure, it was a "good deal," given that they normally retail for $30 each and she got them at half of the price, but does she really need more chatchkis in the house? Shouldn't she just take them back? Well you can guess what happened. Not only did she decide not to take them back, but she couldn't wait to hit the T.J. Maxx near my house to find more.

Monday, June 25, 2007

How Did I Get Here - Part II

Usually, it's the imdb tangent I find myself venturing. But today, it was classmates.com. What makes this extra exciting for me is that I grew up in four different places - three different states (though I can hardly count the years from 1974-1978 in Massachusetts when I knew about three people: my mom, my dad, and my brother). So there are some people that will always stay 8 years old in my mind because we didn't stay in that town long enough for me to go to junior high or high school there. I started light. I got my typical classmates.com update in my inbox and clicked the link to see who signed my guestbook (there are a whopping two people in mine, only one of whom I actually know). Then I started checking to see if any of the people from my high school added any pictures (few people post pictures, and I'm not sure why - probably because no one really uses classmates.com anymore). When I was through with that, I began thinking of those people I knew in the late 1970s to mid-1980s. What happened to them? The first to come to mind was a guy I had a crush on in the 5th grade: Chad Phillips. He had a really cute dimple in his chin. And he was smart. It wasn't completely unrequited. He did ask me to be his partner for a few in-class projects. But nothing ever came of it. I found him on classmates.com, but sadly there was no real information there. This made me go back farther into my history. A boy named Darcy. Darcy Bufalini. Surely there can't be too many of those roaming around. He was in my first grade class, and he rode my bus. His stop was at the very end of the line. So he was the first to be picked up in the morning and the last to be dropped off (kind of sucked for him, if you think about it - twenty minutes less to sleep in, and you miss out on half of the good cartoons in the afternoon). We were buddies. I remember getting the permission slip from my mom to ride the bus to his house one day after school. The other kids on the bus kept telling me that I missed my stop. And I kept having to say that I was going to Darcy's house. There was definitely some teasing there, and I am sure I blushed about this. I don't remember much about his house because I think it was the only time I saw it. But I do recall playing some board game involving a pizzeria. It's funny what we remember. Anyway, I didn't find Darcy on classmates.com at all. So naturally, I did a google search. Again, how many Darcy Bufalinis can there be? I did find a Darcy Bufalini on linkedin.com. And I invited him to join my network. He probably thinks I'm psycho, but whatever. I'm just nostalgic.

THOSE people

I know that the title to this one could point to any number of groups of people that we like to point out and say, 'Oh, they're one of THOSE...' But today, the 'THOSE' that I'm pointing out are those that hop on the elevator only to go up, or down, one floor. ONE floor. Unless you are physically disabled (and if I'm in a 'not so giving mood,' I usually want to see that you are visably disabled), I think you can hike up, or down, one flight of stairs.
When these people get on the elevator and push the next floor above or below where we're currently at, I immediately roll my eyes (I think this is now a learned response) and look for any reason why this person could not walk up the stairs. In the unofficial survey that I have going on in my head, the main reason why these people can't seem to walk up, or down, the stairs is due to being overweight (both slight and overly). But then you would think, if you're even slightly overweight, wouldn't you think that taking the stairs (even one flight) every day might help get you in slightly better shape or at least make you feel a little better about yourself? Sometimes these overweight people mask the reason why they can't walk up, or down, the stairs with their rolling laptop bags. Now there's an excuse:
'My 10-15 lb. laptop roller bag is prohibiting me from taking the stairs. '
How about throwing your laptop bag in a backpack and hiking it? That's what I do.
And for those people that are only going down one flight, that's just inexcusable. ONE floor. Going down in the easy part...it's the going up that can be trying.
This has always been one of my pet peeves....cause it only delays the elevator from getting me up to my floor - a legitimate four flights up from the ground floor, which is also the top floor in the building.

Drive Bys

Don't you often wonder what people do in their car while driving to and fro...besides talk on their phone and applying make-up? I do.
When I drive just about anywhere, I have my music turned up (usually coming from my iPod) and I like to sing-along. I think a lot of people sing along to their music but I especially like to sing along because I like to think that 'American Idol' is going on in my car and I'm beating out the competition with my song choices.
However, when I'm driving to work and I look over into other people's vehicles, I don't see a lot of people singing along. It could be because they're listening to talk radio or they're probably just on their phone. And then I feel silly for singing along to the music in my car. But sometimes, the music just draws you in. For instance, you're driving along and what comes on - a classic power ballad. And by power, I'm talking flare and dramatics.
Amanda and I were driving along one fine, sunny afternoon when 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' came on. This is a GREAT, classic, power ballad. Heads and upper torsos were swaying, hands were waving, we were singing to the heavens and the heavens loved us! But sometimes you get so caught up in the performance that accidents happen. No, I did not get into an accident while driving but Amanda hit her hand pretty hard on the window support while whipping out her arm to demonstrate the dramatics of the song. Did she stop to tend to her wound? No way - she went on and performed to the end....AND THEN we laughed and talked about the hand wound. (The dra-mah also takes over for 'All Cried Out' by Lisa, Lisa)
So this is why I'm peering into other people's vehicles while I drive - to see if I can see other people singing. I don't find it too often and when I'm coming up on a stop light, I tend to either look the other way and keep singing , stop singing, or 'American Idol' becomes 'Making the Band' and I become the drummer and I start tapping my hands on the steering wheel to the music....this is especially effective for the 'working man, fist pumping music.'
And now that I've finished a semester of hip-hop dance class, sometimes 'American Idol' turns into 'So You Think You Can Dance' - overall, I'd say my car is a pretty fun place to be.
So I wonder - am I a dying breed of car performers?