She's Alive!

If you've been reading this blog on a regular basis, you've probably noticed that one of the so-called "authors" suffers from a serious case of absenteeism. You've probably also observed that, whenever said author does post, it's mostly to comment that she rarely posts. This time is no exception.

Hello again, faithful readers!

As usual, I've been buried. Buried in three things: my book, my move, and work work work. As far as the book is concerned, I've shipped off my manuscript to a third party for review. By third party, I mean someone besides my mom or my friends - someone who is not hopelessly biased and does not recognize any of the episodes in the novel as actual events. Is my book interesting or funny or, at the very least, decently written? It's out of my hands at this point, although I have helpfully looked back at the version I sent, and of course found a few mistakes. It's like checking the answers to a test before you get the grade. Not a good idea.

As far as my move is concerned, can we say stress? I am moving with my husband to Texas next month. When I say Texas, don't get too excited. We're talking border town here. We're talking basically Mexico. We'll see what happens, and I'm optimistic. But the fact that there is no Target or Starbucks - not a good sign. I have a feeling I'll be relying on a lot of on-line shopping. This move carries with it a much bigger stress, though: the sale of my house. Oh yes - not a good market, folks. When I bought, townhouses were turning over like hotcakes. People were waiving inspections! When I opened up my tax assessment this year, I nearly cried. This is the first year it has gone in a downward direction. Not good.

And work work work. What is there to say? My friend Jenn and her buddies started a website called "Get Yourself Fired" http://www.getyourselffired.com/. Check it out. Great ideas in there about how to insert your likeness into various compromising photos - proof that you are not fit for employment. I won't lie. It was tempting . . . because at least then, I could collect unemployment. But really, I'm not fit to quit or be fired. So I will just keep "Get Yourself Fired" in mind as a lovely, lovely dream.

Chippendale Crushes and Silver Screen Dreams

During a Vegas Bachelorette Party, about a year and a half ago, one of the must-do things on the list was to attend a Chippendale's Show. That night is a night that will stick in my mind for a LONG while - not because the men were hunky and unforgettable (in fact, I think I've quite forgotten 90% of them) but just because of all the antics that went on that night (which is a whole other entry).

What we came away with that night was our Chippendale crushes and a burning question in my mind - just how many of those guys are gay?! But we won't focus on the gay thing - but on our crushes. One of the more "popular" dancers among our group was the one we dubbed 'dough boy.' This guy had his back turned towards the audience and at the point where he was supposed to rip away his pants to reveal buns of steal - he kind of revealed buns of dough. We saw cellulite. Which kind of endeared him to us more because he was "real." Yes, even men have cellulite problems.

My favorite of the night was Charles (looked up his name when we got back to VA). He had dark hair, bright eyes and a Marines tattoo. I thought he was hot. I'll never forget Charles - a hunky body with boyish good looks.

So fast forward a year and a half later, while lying in bed, getting ready to call it a night, I'm flipping through the movie channels only to come across 'Skin-amax' and a face that looked eerily similar to Charles. Then I saw the Marines tattoo and my eyes just bulged. My husband was in the shower so I couldn't tell him that Charles was doing smut! I just sat there and watched, unbelieving that Charles was doing porn! Why this amazed me, I have no idea...but I had to know for sure - so I whipped out my laptop, went on IMDB and checked it out for myself and sure enough, it was Charles...my Chippendale crush, having sexy time with that porn tart! Also, while on IMDB it seems as if Charles had a big porn year in 2007 - and according to Wikipedia, his orientation is straight.... I guess I'm glad (in a way) that he's branching out into other things - because it's not like Chippendale's was playing to a packed house...at least not a year and a half ago!

Other than making appearances on shows when they're needed, and doing their live shows in Vegas, it doesn't seem as if Chippendale's was the powerhouse that it once was...perhaps in the 80s? Sure the guys are cute and entertaining in a cheese-tastic sort of way, but still, is it really a living? I'm sure a bunch of those guys have day jobs (personal trainer? masseuse? something to work out those muscles?) and it appears that some also dream of the silver screen. It just goes to show that these guys are more than erotic dancers, showing off their well-sculpted abs for our entertainment....they have dreams, just like you and me. Dream on, Chippendale Dancer...Dream until your dreams come true!

What Happened to the Dancing?!

Last night, as I was getting ready for bed, I flipped by 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.' It's an 80s movie starring Sarah Jessica Parker, Helen Hunt, Lee Montgomery, Jonathan Silverman and Shannen Doherty. The premise of the movie is that SJP is the daughter of a strict, military man and all she wants to do is be a regular on Dance TV. Lee Montgomery is the son of a middle-class family whose father expects him to go to trade school when in reality, all he wants to do is be a regular on Dance TV.

The first half of the movie is just how these two go to an open park/field and try out to get onto the wildly popular Dance TV. They, along with hundreds of other dance hopefuls, just get up on stage and shake it and put their moves out there in hopes that the judge will pick them from the crowd to become a finalist on Dance TV. It's all very competitive - because of course you have the nemesis, Natalie - the rich girl who has to have everything her way. She drives around in a red, convertible Mercedes. After school, she walks around in nothing but a leotard and scrunched white boots. She's a debutante ; she's a bitch. In modern psychology, most would say that Natalie is so insecure with herself that she feels she must resort to cheating and sabotage in order to win.

You can imagine how it ends (SJP and her partner, now boyfriend, become Dance TV regulars, despite all the battles they had to face to get there - military dad, working class dad, spoiled nemesis) but my question is where has all the lively dancing gone? Where have the days gone where you can sit in a parking lot, turn on the car radio and just dance like there's no tomorrow - a la Ariel in Footloose (right before her Dad slaps her in front of all her friendies)?

Nowadays it's all about competition, competition, competition. So you think you can dance? You wanna be part of this guy's crew? There are no more dance shows where the camera just pans around a dressed up studio to watch people dancing (hello, Kelly Ripa). Does Dance Party USA and Club MTV not make for good television? Cause once these dancers, on today's dance competitions win, what happens to them? At least on American Idol, those guys put out records. What do the winners of 'So You Think You Can Dance' do?

And for that matter, what happened to Lee Montgomery - the male lead in 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun?' It looks like his career stopped around 1988. When I saw him on TV last night, he looked like a much cuter Joey Lawrence. I think there needs to be a 'Where Are They Now' show - the super-obscure version - like where is Lee Montgomery? Whatever happened to the girl that played Natalie? Why didn't Lori Singer's career take off? And where exactly is Jake from 'Sixteen Candles'? I think many people would like to know!

I'd Like To Be a Moderate Loser

Just about the only reality TV show that I watch nowadays is Project Runway. When that season is finished, I don't quite know what to do with myself. But for some reason, while channel surfing, I always manage to find 'The Biggest Loser.' Is my subconscious trying to tell me something?

It's a feel good show and I'm always amazed at how much poundage these contestants manage to lose. I'm so happy for them and I really admire them for stepping out in front of all these viewers to lose weight and get a fresh start on life. Of course it stinks that they have it in a 'competition' format and that someone that really wants to lose weight and just turn their life around has to get 'kicked off' but at the same time, the people that stay on really lose some major weight. Some of those guys entered the start of the show with man-boobs. A hundred pounds later, they are leaner and more fit and some of them are even good looking!

If I did any reality show, it would probably be something like that. But I don't need to lose 50+ pounds - I actually only need to lose like 15-20 pounds - so I wish they had a show called the 'Moderate Loser.' A show where average people that could stand to lose a few pounds, and keep it off (because isn't that always the hardest part) learn how to mix up their workouts, get some personal training and meal advice and maybe get a new wardrobe thrown in there for the 'oooh and ahhhh' factor.

But maybe that's who all those workout and health books are geared towards in the bookstore - those people that need to only lose moderate weight. Not to mention Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers. I pass a Jenny Craig office (walking) every time I hit the gym. I wonder why those people can't take a few steps more and just jump in the gym to help them lose the weight. I wonder if my gym and Jenny Craig have some sort of deal together?

I guess what it all boils down to is watching average people lose some weight just wouldn't make for exciting TV.