Have you ever been in a situation where you're talking, talking, talking and then some 'out of the blue' topic comes up and you're just like, 'Aack - no thank you.' That's happened before to me plenty of times but none have made me as uncomfortable as what happened last night.
I like to think that I can handle just about any topic, within "normal" conversation - and that includes man-topics too. I hang out with enough guys to know to expect the worst and even be able to put my two cents in there to offer a woman's perspective to the conversation. I also like to think that my friends know when and where to draw the line at normal/polite to lewd/inappropriate conversation. I'm not completely miss-ish where someone brings up sex and I start to squirm. Squirming starts if sexual details come up and I know (and can picture) the two people with whom the act is talking about - that's when the lines have to be drawn.
Last night, I went to go get a manicure/pedicure. I have my usual place I go to and the ladies (they're actually younger than me) know me in there. They're nice, little Vietnamese girls that always ask how I am and seem to be expecting me to come in with a big belly and some good news these days...at least that's what the last two visits were like. This time, when I walked in, I could see it in one of their faces, 'Sooooo....what's been going on? Any good news?' I told her not really and that I had been working a lot - but nothing that she probably wants to hear. I really think she's as anxious for some baby news as my mother. We got through the pedicure with some polite conversation - I asked her if she was almost done with school (she's going to college part time) and how her life was. Then she got to my nails and since she was sitting closer now and within whispering distance, she kept assuring me that I shouldn't worry or stress about getting pregnant - she's known people that have stressed so much about it and when they finally 'gave up' they got pregnant after 10 years. Okay - how we got onto the topic of actually getting pregnant is beyond me but I just sat and listened. But then, out of nowhere, she says stuff that only makes me want to cover my ears, close my eyes and go, 'la la la la la la la la.' This is what I heard....Chinese (yes, I'm Chinese).....large balls (of the male variety)......fertile.......eww eww eww......even writing it (because I'm saying it in my head) makes me squeamish! Then when she saw the look on my face (like a deer caught in headlights), she replied really quickly, 'I don't know for sure but that's what I heard.'
Okay - no need to supply me with urban legends here - I tend to be a factual girl - tell me what is true - I doubt anything she mentioned above has been scientifically proven - so it was just unnecessary. Does that mean I am only able to handle polite conversation? Doubtful. Maybe it was all out of shock - shock at how the conversation turned and shocked at the person supplying the information. We're not supposed to be talking about man genitals and fertile cultures....we're supposed to be talking about gossip rags, hair, make-up, NAILS.....
It's clearly going to take a few days to get over this....I will need to erase my mind of the whole event and forget that I ever went in for that manicure/pedicure.....maybe I can just erase the whole day - I should be okay by next Monday!
Friday, March 7, 2008
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Dim the Lights....
It's time to dim the lights for a sad, sad moment....Daniel Craig (the latest, and hottest, James Bond actor) just proposed to his mannish-girlfriend, Satsuki Mitchell. I just read the headlines off a 'credible' UK new site.Who is the lucky lady? Well, we know she's 29 and an American. Occupation-wise, she's listed as a producer but does having two movies in which you're listed as producer/co-producer necessarily make you a producer? I mean, I've karaoked more than twice but that doesn't make me a pop-star. I've also shopped enough to know that I wouldn't list myself as a professional shopper on the old resume. So I question the occupation title and work ethic because since Daniel has been boosted into the limelight, she seems to be his "baggage" rather than her own individual. Then again, to become Mrs. Daniel Craig pretty much guarantees that she probably doesn't have to work again for her life.
In pictures, she looks to be a 'mutt' - my guess would be half-Japanese (uh - Satsuki), half-Caucasian (and - Mitchell). In my experience, mutts tend to be super-good looking....unfortunately, that doesn't apply to the lady in question (in my opinion). Of course I'm not saying this to be mean (even though I'm known to be catty) or bitter (because she's marrying my #2 boyfriend) but sometimes when I see her, I just want to yell (a la Austin Powers), 'She's a MAN, baby!' Really - the thoughts have crossed my mind multiple times!Of course, in my world, reality is mixed with fantasy and the fact that I'm already married doesn't come into the picture - but it's just sad to know that your crush (one of many) is going to another...I hope it wasn't because I dropped him from the #1 boyfriend spot!!!! Sorry, DC!
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Is All Laughter Good?
I love to laugh - I laugh at a lot of things and sometimes I laugh during inappropriate moments, like commercials that are supposed to play on your sympathy but is poorly written so all I can do is laugh at them. I have a range of laughs, from giggles to a hearty laugh when something is really funny - I think my laugh is quite normal in it's range - but there are others, that I've observed, that have some really weird laughs.
There are two ladies in my office who have very distinctive laughs. The first lady (we'll call her Orchid) lets out this LOUD cackle at least once a day. Everything on the floor will be quiet, everyone's busy doing their thing and then you hear 'AHHHHHHHH YACK YACK YACK YACK.' That's my best impersonation of her cackle in typed word. It's quite scary because you never know when it's going to come and no one is ever prepared for it. I remember the first few times we heard it, our row would break out into giggles because it's so ridiculously loud.
The second lady is kind of a biatch in her own right but her laugh resembles creepy little giggles.....I was trying to think of a cartoon character that laughs the same way she does - but it's almost like a chest-congested repeat of 'uh huh huh huh huh huh' in short, little staccatos for every syllable. It's almost like a Beavis/Butthead laugh (the brunette one) in the same tone and just a little more drawn out. But when I hear it, and I hear it quite often, I feel like she's plotting something - something evil.
Reader's Digest says that laughter is the best medicine - in some cases it is - but in others, I'm not quite so sure. Because sinister laughter surely isn't good for you....and when you have a person that has the same laugh for everything - outrageously loud no matter what the context of the situation (BAAAAAH HA HA HA) - then I become a little suspicious.
But what I love even more than laughing is making other people laugh. It makes me feel good when I can draw laughter out of people. Even if I don't mean to be funny, I'm glad I'm able to put a smile on another person's face, at least.
There are two ladies in my office who have very distinctive laughs. The first lady (we'll call her Orchid) lets out this LOUD cackle at least once a day. Everything on the floor will be quiet, everyone's busy doing their thing and then you hear 'AHHHHHHHH YACK YACK YACK YACK.' That's my best impersonation of her cackle in typed word. It's quite scary because you never know when it's going to come and no one is ever prepared for it. I remember the first few times we heard it, our row would break out into giggles because it's so ridiculously loud.
The second lady is kind of a biatch in her own right but her laugh resembles creepy little giggles.....I was trying to think of a cartoon character that laughs the same way she does - but it's almost like a chest-congested repeat of 'uh huh huh huh huh huh' in short, little staccatos for every syllable. It's almost like a Beavis/Butthead laugh (the brunette one) in the same tone and just a little more drawn out. But when I hear it, and I hear it quite often, I feel like she's plotting something - something evil.
Reader's Digest says that laughter is the best medicine - in some cases it is - but in others, I'm not quite so sure. Because sinister laughter surely isn't good for you....and when you have a person that has the same laugh for everything - outrageously loud no matter what the context of the situation (BAAAAAH HA HA HA) - then I become a little suspicious.
But what I love even more than laughing is making other people laugh. It makes me feel good when I can draw laughter out of people. Even if I don't mean to be funny, I'm glad I'm able to put a smile on another person's face, at least.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Book News
As far as New Year's resolutions are concerned, I am at what I would consider an "impressive" four for six.
http://morningcupcake.blogspot.com/2008/01/resolutions-take-two.html
Sadly, "finish Christmas cards" and "finish shift dress" did not make the cut this year, but I am happy to report that I have at least picked up the guitar once (okay, it was my friend Todd's guitar, but I think it still counts), I sat at the piano to play "Brian's Song" when I found my old '70s songbook in a box of old papers, and I returned "Good Night and Good Luck" to Netflix (although I have now had "Babel" for approximately 4 months and counting).
Most importantly, I "finished" my book. By "finished," I mean that I have a manuscript with a cohesive story from start to finish. Sure, it can be fine tuned, but there are 80,000 words there, and my totally biased friends (and mom) have voiced their approval. The question now is: where do I go from here?
Well, taking a published author's advice, I purchased Jeff Herman's Guide to Agents and Publishers, and I am starting to . . . fear for my life. Okay, that's a bit drastic. But the odds of getting published are . . . not good. I mean really not good. I looked at the profiles of about 15 agents in that book, and the lowest rejection rate I could find was 90%. Those are pretty tough odds. My concern with my book is that it's a little formulaic. Personally, I don't mind a predictable story, and I enjoy characters and situations to which I can relate. This, combined with the "write what you know" philosophy, is how I ended up with your typical chick lit fare. The real trouble will be marketing it - coming up with something that sets my book apart or simply grabs the agent and says "read my book; others will too."
Wish me luck!
http://morningcupcake.blogspot.com/2008/01/resolutions-take-two.html
Sadly, "finish Christmas cards" and "finish shift dress" did not make the cut this year, but I am happy to report that I have at least picked up the guitar once (okay, it was my friend Todd's guitar, but I think it still counts), I sat at the piano to play "Brian's Song" when I found my old '70s songbook in a box of old papers, and I returned "Good Night and Good Luck" to Netflix (although I have now had "Babel" for approximately 4 months and counting).
Most importantly, I "finished" my book. By "finished," I mean that I have a manuscript with a cohesive story from start to finish. Sure, it can be fine tuned, but there are 80,000 words there, and my totally biased friends (and mom) have voiced their approval. The question now is: where do I go from here?
Well, taking a published author's advice, I purchased Jeff Herman's Guide to Agents and Publishers, and I am starting to . . . fear for my life. Okay, that's a bit drastic. But the odds of getting published are . . . not good. I mean really not good. I looked at the profiles of about 15 agents in that book, and the lowest rejection rate I could find was 90%. Those are pretty tough odds. My concern with my book is that it's a little formulaic. Personally, I don't mind a predictable story, and I enjoy characters and situations to which I can relate. This, combined with the "write what you know" philosophy, is how I ended up with your typical chick lit fare. The real trouble will be marketing it - coming up with something that sets my book apart or simply grabs the agent and says "read my book; others will too."
Wish me luck!
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