The Search Is On....

I'm not going to beat around the bush here - I like shopping. I've fine-tuned my skills over the years so that I don't just go to a store or mall and walk aimlessly around for hours. No, I do research now and then I go and shop with a focus. I think it helps because it cuts down on "aimless" time and you're free to do other stuff when you're done with your shopping tasks.

Recently, I saw a dress on the Tommy Hilfiger Fall 2007 Ready To Wear Show. I checked at my local "H" store and found out that they were closing so they weren't bringing in any new Fall merchandise. The only other Tommy Hilfiger stores in Virginia are outlet stores and I doubt that they would carry just 'Ready to Wear' runway items in the outlet store. I checked in the Tommy Hilfiger online store only to be greatly disappointed that it wasn't there either. So now my question is this: if this is Fall 2007 Ready to Wear, then where the heck is it? I even went onto the Macy's and Bloomingdale websites to take a gander and nothing was there.

So now I'm disappointed that I can't find it online and at a point where this dress is now a 'must have' item. I think it's the thrill of the hunt and the hope that I could actually get this after all my hard sleuthing work. Nevermind that I don't even know how much this thing is going to cost me - I just know that I must see it in person - touch it, smell it, try it on....probably only to be utterly disappointed in the way that it doesn't fit my average, non-model body. BUT, that doesn't matter - the search is on and I must find this dress.

I'm open to suggestions!

What’s Wrong With Just Being Healthy?

This season of America’s Next Top Model includes a “plus-size” model, Sarah. Sarah isn’t really a plus. She is around 5’10” and a size 8 or 10 (according to People Magazine). In other words, she looks great.

Evidently, people have given Tyra Banks some flack for casting her, given that she is not really plus anything - she just isn’t anorexic. But you know, I am happy they cast her. Even if she is not the true “plus,” it is nice, for once, to have a healthy weight girl in the bunch.

It seems in the fashion world, the models are either stick thin or overweight (to model the plus sizes). Granted, you get more of the former variety, but I'm sure the overweight models are finding work - as far as I can tell, the Lane Bryants of the world are raking in the dough. But really, what’s wrong with average weight? Isn’t that what the health experts are telling us to be? Why must models be underweight or overweight?

I like this Sarah. I hope she goes far. She’s still a model. Look at those legs and arms. She’s gorgeous.

A Super 'Ho

So a conversation came up over the weekend about how a certain NFL QB (I'm not going to name names here) recently donated $2 million to his alma mater. And due to the generous donation, an academic building will be named after him and his wife. Then questions arose about the wife - has anyone seen her? What have you heard about her? She has definitely kept a low profile but those that were 'in the know' back in college would've known her real story.

And here it is....Mrs. NFL QB is a year or two older than Mr. NFL QB. She had quite the reputation amongst the football team and those in the sports offices. Let's just say that Mr. NFL QB was not her only conquest. She actually had to work her way up to him. Maybe working her way up the ladder was sort of like a test of endurance...perhaps sluttiness?! When she finally did reach the very top, it didn't seem like it was a love match.... Let's just say that I know someone who had lunch with Mrs. NFL QB and during their lunch, she went on and on about how she was f*cking the quarterback. If that doesn't spell L-O-V-E, I don't know what does. Mrs. NFL QB also stayed around campus and worked at a local travel agency to buy her time until Mr. NFL QB could make it into the NFL....rumors around the travel agency were that she wasn't exactly the most diligent of workers or the brightest bulb in the pack. I LOVE those kinds of rumors.

Anyhow - then we went onto praise Mrs. NFL QB for sticking with her guns and actually making it to the top and marrying the grand prize to see him prosper in his NFL career. Then that brought on another person I knew that had quite the reputation among the men's basketball team and probably some of the football team. She wasn't quite the looker as Mrs. NFL QB (for example, when she wore her big, silver puffy jacket in the winter, someone commented, "What do you get when you cross a whore and a bake potato...). And I believe her reputation only circled around the bench players. But by the time she was a junior or senior, she got pregnant with some bench player's baby. The baby daddy did not make it into the NFL or NBA (I forget what sport he played) and I don't think he stuck around to make a go out of being a family with the baked potato.

So what have we learned from this? One person in our party pointed it out quite clearly...you either become a Baby Mamma to a potential pro-athletic super star or you work you way through the starting lineup of chosen sport - this may require some scouting for potential careers in the pros. Either way, you don't settle with just being a whore, you become a Super 'Ho.

You’re Not A Poet, But You Don’t Seem To Know It

On my way to hip hop last night, I heard Fergie’s latest hit, “Big Girls Don’t Cry.” I guess the melody is kind of catchy, but I just can’t get over the horrid lyrics. Here’s a sample:

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry

“I’m gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket???” Is that really the best you can do? The line is just god awful. For starters, it’s grammatically incorrect. Now, I’m willing to cut some rock stars a little slack when it comes to grammar. “Satisfaction,” after all, is a great song, and “I can’t get any satisfaction” just wouldn’t have the same ring as the genius double negative. But “a child misses their blanket” is incorrect for no good reason. Let’s try matching the subject with the appropriate possessive pronoun next time. “A child misses her blanket” would be an improvement (single subject goes with single posssessive pronoun, you see how that works?).

Still, this doesn’t fix the fact that the line is just plain stupid. Isn’t Fergie supposed to be some sexpot? These lyrics make her sound as if she still shops at the Disney Store. Badly done.

Fergie can’t hold a candle to Jon Bon Jovi, however. He is the king of the embarrassingly bad lyrics. It’s not that they’re cheesy or cliché (well, they are cheesy). But it’s more like they’re trying to be original or daring and fail miserably. Because Jon Bon Jovi is a terrible lyricist. There are so many examples to choose from, but there is one in particular that is burned in my brain as the standard against which all horrific lyrics should be measured. From “Bed of Roses,” it is this gem:

With an ironclad fist I wake up and
French kiss the morning

French kiss the morning? Are you serious, JBJ? You’re a good looking guy and all, but frankly, the mental picture of your tongue lashing around in the morning air kind of grosses me out. I think simply kissing the morning would have been sufficient.

I Don't Think So

So I get a pluthera of emails from vendors telling me their latest online deals, new items, etc. Granted, I think I sign up for a lot of them just so I don't have to go trolling for all the latest information myself. The biggest email senders that I usually get from are Neiman Marcus, Cheryl & Co (they have GREAT cookies), Banana Republic and Red Envelope. There are a ton more but these are the ones that I remember the most.

I just got a mail from Red Envelope letting me know that if I buy this classic, 80s braided leather bracelet -->




<-- this happens.


I beg to differ.







I love the red envelope boxes - it's ALMOST like getting a Tiffany's blue box (almost, not really, but still...) and you have that anticipation of, 'What could he have gotten me...'. And if I opened it to find the above braided leather bracelet, I don't think I could hold back my disappointment. Then the anticipation would turn to 'What the heck was he thinking?'

Braided bracelets are for BFFs and middle school/high school romances. It is not meant for the adult world. I need something solid - something I can sink my teeth into and not have to worry about wearing it down and ripping it to shreds.

No, Red Envelope...you got it wrong this time. Leather Braided bracelet does not equal romantic nookie in the end.

Like a Giant, Sparkly Pin Cushion

Have you ever passed by one of those kiosks in the mall where there are usually two Asian ladies standing about with waves and volumes of long hair (sometimes not matching in color), along with at least 20 rhinestone hair pins thrown in there to make them look more attractive?! What are they selling? Well, fake hair and sparkly pins, naturally. In their kiosk cart, you will find different shades of long hair to attach to your head to make it look like you have more hair, for those with not so thick hair, or long hair, for those with short cuts who instantly want to have long, luxurious, flowy hair. You can also purchase pretty hair pins that range from little barrettes to big, bedazzled banana clips.

When these fake hair carts first started showing up at malls, those Asian ladies were ruthless. I remember them chasing people down with a clip of long, fake hair in their hands, trying to throw them onto people's heads. It was almost like if they chased you down and successfully clipped the hair to your head, you were somehow obligated to buy some fake hair from them, whether you were planning on it or not (usually, not). They tried to do this to me a few times. I couldn't understand why when I reached that part of the mall, I felt like I either had to walk the perimeter of that area so I would be nowhere near the kiosk or quicken up my pace in hopes that they didn't see me. I already have thick hair - so they weren't doing me any favors by trying to trap me into buying fake tresses (even if it is the "in-hollywood" thing to do). Plus the fact that it would make more sense to sell you fake hair that actually matched your natural hair color seemed to escape them quite easily.

Since those days of avoiding the hair ladies, I have perfected my 'death stare' and they no longer approach me. I also think they have sharpened up their "marketing plan" for attracting people to their carts without having to chase down people like a crazy game of Tag. (Not only was I embarrassed for the chasee, I became embarrassed for the chaser.) But I do have one bit of advice for these Asian Ladies with Fake Hair (aka - ALFHs) - put yourself in a real-life situation in which you would actually use fake hair and pretty it up with one of those cute little pins you're selling instead of trying to attach half your hair stock and barettes to your head - you look like one, big, giant, sparkly pin cushion.