Nicknames

I love a good nickname. I had this gym coach in the fourth grade who gave nicknames to a few of the students. I can't remember any of the good ones, but I do remember that they weren't given to everyone and that if you got one, you should feel special. And I did feel special when, halfway through the year, he dubbed me "Funnel" (for my affinity for playing "Funnel Ball" at recess - this one was not particularly creative, but beggers can't be choosers).

In college, nicknames were big in my sorority. You had the standard last name-based nicknames. Some were simply the last name - others were variations, sometimes just shortened last names or words that rhymed with the name. Some stuck; others didn't. My personal favorite was this girl a year behind me. She seemed a little shy at first and didn't talk very much. One night, early on in the first semester living in the house, she went to Burger King with a few other girls. One of the other girls had mustard on the side of her mouth or something, so the others were kind of kidding her about it. Without missing a beat, the shy girl picked up an open packet of ketchup, smeared it on her own cheek, and said, "That's okay. I have ketchup on my face." She was henceforth known as "Ketch."

There are also the nicknames unbeknownst to the people on whom they are based (see “Henry Winkler” from my post on hip hop, for example). My friend Jen from Austin was also really good with these. For instance, I dated a guy named Chad who was good looking but rarely spoke. The guy barely cracked a smile during a viewing of American Pie. We called him "Silent Chad." Not really that original, but I still giggle a little to myself whenever I think about it. I dated another guy with a very early American sounding name, and we called him, "The Quaker." Jen dated a guy who was kind of a meathead. She started calling him “Face Painter” (think Puddy from Seinfeld – “Go Devils!!”).

She also started nicknaming another girlfriend's dates after food. There was a "biscuit" after a McDonald's breakfast drive thru incident and some other good ones too (which I can't, for the life of me, recall). Then she tried to name the next date "Turkey Leg." No reason. Just that it would be funny. In the interest of making this work, she tried to talk her girlfriend into taking the date to a Renaissance Festival or Medieval Times. Sadly, that did not transpire. But hey - I still love "Turkey Leg." Because I love a good nickname.