The Snog Monster - Part I

One of the key accessories to travelling? Earplugs. Unless you know for sure that you will be by yourself, at night, or with someone you are absolutely used to sleeping with.
I know the old adage, 'If you can't say anything nice...' blah blah blah - but I find it a little hard to be forgiving at the tender hour of 3:34 AM ET. So I'm going to tell you and myself a story about the Snog Monster.

I don't exactly know how the Snog Monster can be described other than an imageless creature that approaches you in the night and blocks your path to Dreamland. I have been trying to reach said Dreamland for the past two hours only to have the Snog Monster push, prod and needle it's way into my hearing in order to prevent me from ever reaching blissful sleep. I even went so far as to pull out the trusty old iPod and went to my 'Relaxing' playlist to try and lull me to sleep. This playlist contains soft, slow, melodies and power ballads. Because I didn't want to drain the batteries and find out that I wouldn't be able to listen to my iPod on the return flight, I decided to start myself on my Relaxing playlist, starting at the 'To's - that would be Toto. This would take me through about 15 songs all the way to the 'W's, which would be the end of my relaxing playlist.

Relaxing Playlist - Take One. No dice. I think I got about eight minutes of sleep over 15 songs....but the Snog Monster crept up on my after the playlist was over and shook my core to the point where I became wide awake and wondered whether I had even drifted into a sense of sleep at all or if it was all my imagination. I turned off the iPod and tried to drift off again. I found myself sleeping on my side, pulling the spare pillow over my top ear and my one hand cupping the other ear. The Snog Monster would not be avoided.

Relaxing Playlist - Take Two. I decided to take myself back up to the 'Su's, as in Survivor, and work my way back down to the 'W's. During this time, I had the bright idea of having my earphones in, pulling the spare pillow over my top ear and having the other pillow under my arm, cupping my bottom ear, creating a virtual coccoon for my head. So here I am, lying with my earphones, two pillows molded to my ears like earmuffs, with Tom Jones (I'm already on 'To') inviting me to help myself to his lips, to his arms (no thanks, Tom), etc....only to have the Snog Monster interject every so often with it's own soundtrack for me. I swear I have the music at a volume that I can only hear but would still allow me to fall asleep but somehow the Snog Monster always manages to beat it. I think I lost 10 pounds from sweating under my virtual coccoon.

Earplugs in, playlist over, thinking begins. I think about anything, everything, nothing. I think about possibly going over to my mother-in-law's house to sleep for the duration of my trip (GASP!) if only I can get a solid six (SIX is all I ask for Snog Monster) hours of sleep. I think about blogging (Boy, wouldn't this make a great story?!). I think about what I would write about the Snog Monster. I started out with a poem...
There once was a girl from DC
That was trying to get some sleep
But the Snog Monster began
And ruined her plans
Of ever reaching Dreamland again....

Nah - I think I had a better one lying in bed.

Next thought: How to defeat the Snog Monster. There's always the forthcoming 'shake and wake.' However, what good would that do the both of us? There's always me rolling around restlessly on the bed to try and quiet the Snog Monster. Perhaps it, too, just needs to be lulled a little bit to silence. I even thought about spooning Snog Monster (for about a NY minute) to perhaps make it think that significant other is in bed with it because surely the Snog Monster does not rear it's ugly head with the significant other?! Then there's always the very obvious kick to the ass and making it fall out of bed. Although it would be fun and supremely gratifying, I just don't have it in me.

Which brings me to where I am right now...sitting on an uncomfortable toilet seat in the bathroom, laptop in hand, wireless working (thank GOD!), away from the Snog Monster. My eyes are bloodshot, my hair is mussed, my muscles are achy (I think that might be from dance class) and if it was possible, I think I would have a six o'clock shadow growing.

I give up, Snog Monster. You win. I bow to you and your snogginess. Spare me the next four hours to get some peace and dreamless sleep....come to think of it, I have BARELY heard the Snog Monster for the past 22 minutes (the length of my bathroom stay)....perhaps the tub?! I don't think so. (Wouldn't that be just the ultimate insult?!) However, I do think a nap tomorrow, while the Snog Monster is wreaking havoc on the living, is in order.

Oh Snog Monster - how many more nights? Three and counting....