Instructions, Not Included

I've had this thought in my head for awhile but yesterday, while at the Chesapeake House Rest Stop, in Maryland, I decided I needed to write it in the blog and see if others have thought the same thing....those paper toilet seat covers - what's the deal with them? How can I get the hole to open in the paper without damaging the surrounding seat cover? I know it's semi-perforated on three sides of the hole, but there really is no easy way to open it up without ripping the rest of the seat cover.

Nine times out of ten, when I use the paper seat cover, I will not be successful in opening up the hole to properly place the seat cover on the toilet and do my business. No - what really does happen is:
1) I carefully place the cover on the toilet seat and try to open the hole only to have half of the seat cover drop into the water;
2) I carefully try to tear the hole part open in mid-air only to be left with two equal parts of the seat cover;
3) I carefully try to open the hole along the "perforation" only to be left with a square piece of paper in my hand to cover the seat.

Is there something wrong with me? I'm sure that if I ripped out the box of covers from the wall, I'll get some kind of instruction on how to properly place the seat cover on the seat but the fact of the matter is that I am in the bathroom because I have "business" to do and the last thing on my mind is figuring out how to get this darn thing to work!

I'm wondering - do I need to just place the seat cover on the seat and then sit on it so that the force of my butt making contact with the seat will just automatically rip open the perforated hole? Is that the trick? I just feel like if I don't rip that hole open prior to sitting down, there's going to be a natural disaster!

Really - I'm okay with just reverting back to the method I grew up with....tear some toilet paper, wipe down the seat, tear two long pieces of toilet paper, fold over for "double cushioning" and place on each half of toilet seat. But then you have the potential of moving so fast that some of your makeshift seat cover flies away and you're still only sitting on half or a sliver of what you originally intended.

I've even had the pleasure of seeing the clear plastic cover the totally covers the seat already and then moves around when the toilet is flushed and a new person comes into the stall. Although technologically very cool, how do I know that it's not like those old-school cloth towel holders that just recycle itself through a ringer in a box on the wall? It's not like I see a trail of used, clear, plastic covers behind the toilet to let me know that it's really changing. So again, very skeptical.

If someone can share with me the secrets of the paper seat cover, I would be more than happy to start using them - as long as I'm guaranteed full coverage of the seat!