The Purpose of the R.S.V.P.

From as early as I can remember, when I got an invitation to a birthday party, school dance, bar/bat mitzvahs, prom, weddings, etc, there was an RSVP date. I don't know exactly what RSVP stands for but I know it's the date by which you need to respond with your attendance status. If I knew off the bat whether or not I could attend, I would respond promptly, way before the RSVP date. If I wasn't sure I would be available for an event, I would wait it out but still respond by the RSVP date. And in my experience, the RSVP date was usually at least two weeks from receipt of invitation.

As a hostess, the waiting between sending out invitations and the RSVP date is always so nerve wracking....I know for my wedding, I really enjoyed receiving those little envelopes in the mail with people's responses. What I did not enjoy was having to hunt down people for their lack of response a week after the RSVP date - I think that's kind of rude and it adds more stress to an already stressful situation.

Thankfully, I haven't had to really plan things out since my wedding...and thanks to the power of Evite, informal get-togethers can now be handled through the web and those people that respond with 'Maybes' can be handled at the host's discretion.

Recently, I had to plan a semi-formal reception. I received about four month's notice to secure a location, work out some details, and get a flyer out two months before the event. Because I was dependent on another party to create and send out the flyers, they actually didn't go out until six weeks prior to the event. I had set the RSVP date for two weeks prior to the event so that gave all invited parties about a month to respond. Like I said, the first week after the invitations go out is a nerve wracking cause you're always hoping people actually show up. My first few RSVPs were a little daunting - they were the 'No' responses. But going into weeks two and three, I started to get more positive responses. I was just hoping for at least 50 people... as we neared the RSVP date, it looked like I was going to meet the 50 and then some. So I was happy.

Three days before the RSVP date, you wouldn't BELIEVE the responses I got of people that still wanted to attend and just wanted to let me know. I would tell them that it's still okay to register but their registration wouldn't be fully complete until I received a check/money for the event - this is a precaution I put into place due to the results of past events held. The day AFTER the RSVP date, I was still getting emails and phone calls from people wondering if they could still attend. And here's my question to them - where the hell were you for the past four weeks? Some of the emails said they were 'out of town' this last week, in which case I'm wondering where they were for the three weeks prior to that... Another woman emailed me two days after the RSVP and said, 'they missed the boat on RSVPing' - yeah, I'll say. But still wanted to know if they could attend....of course I said they could but what the hell, people?! Do all stragglers just want to make more hassle for the host and actually force them to respond to you when there are a ton of other things to worry about?

It upsets me because these are all people from my same alma mater - I would expect better of these people. Respond on time - get an etiquette book. If you miss the RSVP date, then assume you can no longer come. The RSVP date is not a 'suggested' respond by date - it is the date you should respond by....in order for the host not to look poorly upon you. Wikipedia says RSVP stands for: Répondez s'il vous plaît - 'Please respond.' So please, in consideration to your host(s), RSVP by the date provided, not by your own schedule.