A Note To My Mother-In-Law

As you may know, my mother-in-law (aka - MIL) is in DC visiting. I was not particularly looking forward to her visit (read: http://morningcupcake.blogspot.com/2008/05/invasion-of-mil.html) and as her arrival drew closer, I DID make an effort to think positively. Unfortunately, all that positively went out the window within the first five hours of her arrival.

It has been five days now and she's leaving tomorrow morning...and I've held my tongue a lot in the last five days because there have been times where I've just wanted to throttle her. So instead of disgracing myself and actually inflicting harm on her, I decided that I will release my frustrations by blogging a note to her - letting her know what issues I have with her and possibly explaining why I have not been a very-gracious hostess.

Dear MIL,
I'm sincerely glad that you were able to finally make a trip out to visit your son and daughter-in-law (that's me). I understand that you're not the best traveler and it's not very convenient for you to pick up and leave your home like some other independent people but it's nice that after eight years of living away from Indiana, you decided that now would be the time to come out and visit.

I understand that a majority of your trip has been marred by torrential rains and colder temps...and spring time in Washington is very beautiful - so I'm sorry that you didn't get to enjoy more of that. Usually when first-time visitors don't get to do as much as they'd like to do outside, they look at the rainy days as opportunities to go to the museums and check out the exhibits. Not so for you, I guess, since I've been trying to push museums on you since your arrival and it's been like talking to a brick wall. At least you got to see half the monuments because as we kept telling you months leading up to your visit, to see all the monuments involves A LOT of walking and because you're out of shape and didn't bother getting 'in shape' prior to your visit, you left out some of the best monuments, like TJ (Thomas Jefferson) and FDR. I suppose they'll forgive you.

Being a first-time visitor to the area and to our home can be awkward but we've known each other for ten years now. Yes, you are a guest in our home, but you are also family....that puts you in another category - the category of: family guest which entitles you to help yourself to doing stuff around the house like you helped yourself to three out of five snack cakes from a box I had JUST opened. Or the way you helped yourself to one of my sauce dishes to soak your finger in peroxide - in a dish that we use and eat out of....and you didn't even bother to rinse it out when you were done....subconsciously, I would think you might be trying to kill us! And no, it doesn't count that you asked if you could help with anything AFTER I got home from a LONG day at work and I've already started cooking dinner. What could you possibly do cause I don't think you asked your son if he needed help while he was cutting up the potatoes and chicken prior to my arrival. And I find it pretty insincere that you ask if I need help while sitting on your tush, staring at the TV - and not even coming into the kitchen and asking face-to-face. To me, your asking was just a courtesy question.

When my parents visit, they are family guests too but when they're here, they don't mind cooking dinner - and I don't mind cooking dinner for them because at least they pitch in and help clean my garden, sharpen my knives or go out grocery shopping with me. Of course they like doing that stuff anyways - but they HELP out when they're here. I don't particularly enjoy coming home and seeing you on the couch knowing that you did absolutely nothing all day.

I've come to the realization that we're just two different people. You act very much like a child and seeing that you're almost 60 years old, I refuse to treat you like a child. I understand that you're not exactly the best conversationalist and have come to expect that you don't particularly like talking about anything unless it directly involves you. We've already heard about your finger injury from your manicure since Day 1 - it's now Day 5 - deal with it; we have.

I try to involve you in stuff like going to the grocery store and going to the mall - I know you were with me at the grocery store cause you kept oohing and aahing about how big it was - and so I know you saw the pineapple, bananas and honeydew I purchased...so when you asked me if I had any fruit besides bananas and I looked at you like you had 10 heads...then proceeded to point to the pineapple and honeydew that have been sitting on the counter for 24+ hours under the same roof you've been under for the same 24+ hours? Do you see my point here? I find it extremely frustrating that you can be so clueless. But to make matters worse, after I pointed out the fruit, because they weren't cut up, you asked if you could have an apple sauce. Sure - sorry my fruits aren't canned like you're used to.

As I write this, I find that I can't even get into your toiletry issues - looking in the guest room reminds me of being at your home or CVS - so we'll not go there.

So MIL - I hope you can understand that my lack of warmth and friendliness stems from the frustrations that I feel when you're with me. As I mentioned before, we are two, completely different people and I cannot enable your lifestyle - it brings me down. I cannot understand how a person can live the way you do and therefore, I don't want to be a part of it. I think seeing you once a year is enough interaction for me - and I don't even mind it so much, now, that when we do see eachother, you expect us to buy your meal. Because after having you live with us for just six days, my two grocery bills have skyrocketed to $100+ each and I have yet to see an invite for breakfast/lunch/dinner extended to me.

I think we'll manage to get some bonding time in, though, before you leave....like when I help you pack your bags for your departure - it will be grand!

Sincerely,
Your DIL