Retail Restrooms

When I'm out running errands or on a shopping trip, I take comfort in knowing where the restrooms are. It's a little harder to know for 'old town' shopping since these places are filled with cute boutiques and shops rather than large chain stores that you can lose yourself in for hours.

There are certain large stores that I feel should have the cleanest bathrooms around - why? Because they just about stock every kind of product to clean their public restrooms. Let's take Target for instance. It's always nice to know that I can run into a Target, hang a right or a left and the restrooms are right in front of the registers or by the customer service counter. Are they always clean? Not really - but then again, I think it depends on where you are. The new ones are of course cleaner due to lack of 'traffic' - but give it a few years, and it might not be as nice as it once was. There are other Targets, in not so wonderful locations, that are just downright nasty. Eight out of ten stalls will either be clogged, unflushed or just disgusting. And I wonder...why are these bathrooms like this? Target should be the LAST store on Earth to have gross bathrooms...just go down to the house cleaning aisle and pick up some Target brand cleaning supplies. Hey - there's a great marketing ploy....clean your bathrooms with Target brand items and see if your sales go up. (Yes, I am a genius.) The overhead can't be that bad and I don't think my expectations are unreasonable.

I was in a Home Depot yesterday when I had the sudden urge to go to the restroom. Luckily, I knew where it was - I hate being in those LARGE warehouse type places and figuring out where the restrooms are and having to pull someone over to ask without them thinking that you're only in there to use the toilet. Although the tiling was very nice in the Ladies' room (not a surprise since they have it in stock), it was pretty dirty. Doesn't Home Depot stock industrial-strength cleaners in their aisles? What is up with not cleaning your restrooms with what you've got in aisle 10? Let's just say I had to settle for wiping down and double-seat covers....ick!

On to more pleasant pastures, I can always count on Nordstrom for nice restrooms. It's in department stores like these (more upscale) that they 'lounge out' the whole Ladies' room. I have found groups of women hanging out in there - just hanging out. I don't think I would ever hang out in the lounge of the Ladies' Lounge but I guess it's nice to know I can if I want. Macy's is a crap shoot. I've been in ones where they're trying to spruce up the Ladies' room to make it more lounge-y with all the products that they carry...I mean wouldn't it be nice to have Martha Stewart decorate all the restrooms with her products - you know, things that you can get from within Macy's from a specific line if you want your living room, family room, rest room to look like "this" at home? (I know, another genius idea...) At other times, I find myself holding my breath in their restrooms trying to finish my business and make my way out of there so I can breathe easy again.

We haven't even touched on dining places - but I think everyone knows that those are all hit-or-miss. If you're at upscale dining, the restrooms will most likely be very clean, very comforting and you might even have to pay an attendant to give you hand soap. If you're at a 'not so upscale' place, you're probably looking at 2-3 times a day (if that) of someone checking the restrooms (even though those spreadsheets on the doors are initialed on the hour...supposedly). There is one place in DC where it's a casual bar atmosphere where the waitresses let their ta-tas hang out. It's two levels and it's fairly large. They only have four stalls in the ONE Ladies' room to serve the whole establishment. Since I've been there, only three stalls have worked. And there's ALWAYS a line, in the evenings, trying to get in. Sinks overflow, toilets and floors are disgusting and when the sun sets, you better have a dollar to tip the soap attendant...really....it's all quite gross and unnecessary.

Maybe my youngest nephew is onto something here - he doesn't seem to like to 'do his business' in strange places....preferring the comforts of home. If I could control my bladder functions, I probably would too.