From Genius To Loser In 60 Seconds

I find it kind of fascinating how quickly my opinion of myself can change. In the office, for instance, I may be cursing myself for being an idiot - then suddenly I have miraculously finished whatever it was I set out to do. I have somehow succeeded. But the high of my success does not last long. Sometimes just mere moments later, I revert to wondering when they will figure out that I have no idea what I'm doing. One moment it is, "I know everything!!" The next, it is "I know NOTHING!!"

It is the same way with writing. If you have read my most recent posts, you probably know that I am working on writing a novel. The current draft is over 86,000 words. I guess the sheer word volume should be exciting. That's over 310 pages, double spaced, after all. That's way more than I write at work, even with my 20+ page pleadings.

As far as quality is concerned, though, that's a different story. One day, I will wake up feeling fantastic. "You're the next Helen Fielding," I'll tell myself. "You're the next Emily Giffin! Soon your book will be everywhere, from airport newsstands to the aisles at Target. Soon, you'll be selling the movie rights. And if you play your cards right, you may even get total control over casting." (in which case, Timothy Olyphant – how does your schedule look for the next three or so years?). I’ll reread the passages I’m particularly fond of, thinking to myself, “Oooh, this is good. This is funny!”

The next day, unfortunately, I am plagued by this recurring thought:

“This is total crap.”