The Rules of Escalator Riding*

I was at the airport today. When I went through the security checkpoint, I grabbed my grey bus tub as soon as it got past the "do not reach into here" point, threw my shoes onto the floor, and stepped into them at a rabbit's pace. And I thought to myself, "I am obsessed with not holding up traffic."

Some people, however, are always on a Sunday drive. These are the people who pay for groceries with checks. And fifty coupons. And the really dedicated ones don't even bother to fill in the name of the store, the date, or sign the check until after the cashier announces the total. "Who do I make the check out to?" they ask. Safeway. It says so right there on the handle of your grocery cart. It is largely because of these people that I am willing to abandon a full cart of potential purchases and simply walk out of the store without crossing off a single item on my shopping list.

Typically, the Sunday drivers also do not understand how to ride escalators. Or moving walkways at the airport. They camp out on the left side of the escalator with no intention of ever picking up their feet. These people don't seem to realize that, while to them, escalators are for relaxing and enjoying the atmosphere, some people are actually in a hurry. Some people have planes to catch and appointments to make. Some people just can't wait any longer to meet their friends for a drink at the bar.

Sunday drivers, take note: Escalators are like highways. The right lane is for putzers. The left line is for passers. Easy. Simple. You learned it in driver's ed.

* Note: I found this "post" in an old steno pad - I think from a trip somewhere. I'd guess it's from 2004. On some level, I must have known that some day there would be a morning cupcake!