Farewell, Red Lobster

Warning: I'm going to be blunt and to the point here - there's no sugar coating this post - I'm going to tell you about what I think about Red Lobster. So I *might* offend your sensibilities, if you're uber-sensitive.

Admit it - if you're living in a well-populated metropolitan area, with loads of restaurant options and a Red Lobster, chances are, Red Lobster rarely makes the Top 3 list of places to eat on a Saturday night. But when their 'Lobster Fest' or 'Endless Shrimp' commercials come on TV, you second guess yourself and think, 'Hmmm - that sounds good.' Of course when you're seeing these commercials, it's about 10pm on a Wednesday night and you thought about it for about a NY minute.

When I first met my husband, he and his two buddies growing up had a tradition of going to Red Lobster on their birthdays (once a year) - two of the three happen to have birthdays a day apart. After we began dating, we had gone to Red Lobster a handful of times - especially when we lived in New Jersey - it's not that we made it a habit....I tried to keep his birthday tradition alive for awhile since he was away from his friends. Now that we're living in metro DC, Red Lobster is barely a blip on our radar. The one that was close to our condo got leveled and then we had to make a mental note of where the next closest one was located. But we didn't make any efforts to go...until last night.

Red Lobster is just not what it used to be. I remember, growing up, the Red Lobster by my parents' house (shout out to East Brunswick, Route 18) was always packed on weekends. I think I can count on my one hand how many times we went from the ages of solid food through college. Now, you can usually get a table with minimal wait time (5-10 mins) and when you do get seated after your wait, the place is not even full.

And I came to this conclusion...fat people and old people go to Red Lobster. And if you want to get fat, you can go to Red Lobster. So where do I fall in those categories? I guess personally, I would call myself fat, but in reality, I would say that we're the spectators/occasional visitors. We were the dummies that fell for the endless shrimp commercial on TV. You'd think having fish on the menu is a healthy option, but not at the Red Lobster because it is drenched with butter and none too healthy. I managed to get away with 1 lb of snow crab legs (no butter), a side salad, a baked potato covered with lobster sauce and one cheddar biscuit. I'll admit the cheddar biscuits are good but one is the limit for my un-bodacious body. The baked potato was a side...and it was COVERED in butter (lobster sauce = butter and lobster bits) - when I had it once before, it was actually really good and not drenched with butter - the butter was so thick last night, my husband thought it was cheese...that's how bad it was. Needless to say, that went unfinished.

So back to the old and fat people at Red Lobster. The patrons aren't necessarily old AND fat - but they're pretty much one or the other. And maybe I shouldn't say fat - but I did say I would be blunt. There was a party of three females - two older ladies and an 8-10 year old girl. The two older females were fat. The 8-10 year old was well on her way. An older gentleman brought his mother to the Red Lobster. She was so old that when she walked past our table, I looked at my husband and said, 'Cause you're a homo' - she reminded me of the sweet, little, old lady from Wedding Crashers.

Thankfully, after our dinner, my husband came to the realization that his palette has changed (thanks to places like Legal Seafoods, Capital Grille, Hank's Oyster Bar and other local seafood places) and the trip to Red Lobster last night just didn't cut it for him. I have a feeling that we won't be falling for the old 'Lobster Fest' trick anymore - we know better now...Red Lobster, it was good while it lasted. Maybe we'll see you again in a small town in the midwest!