Wal-Mart is my Nemesis

As you may recall (but probably don't), many months ago I posted a little tribute to the great Midwestern everything store - Meijer. After Meijer and everyone's darling (and mine), Target, I have no praise left to give to their competitor, Wal-Mart. I loathe my Wal-Mart so much that it actually makes me sick - I have mini panic attacks almost every time I am in there.

"So why would you ever go there?" I hear you ask. A few reasons: (1) it is close to my house; (2) it is open late; and (3) it carries the exact kind of Rubbermaid clear plastic "Latchable" bins I like to organize my stuff. So occasionally, I sacrifice my mental health and go into the fire.

Last Friday night, I was on a roll cleaning out my closet. This is often when these housekeeping projects strike me. I once watched about three repeats of Sports Center on ESPN while cleaning out my sock drawer during the wee hours. Anyway, around 10:30 or so, I decided I couldn't finish my closet cleaning endeavor without getting some kind of shelving or bins to better organize my sweaters. So it was off to the dreaded Wal-Mart.

Unlike previous adventures at Wal-Mart, the late hour seemed to cut back on the number of extended families crowding in one aisle. I think you know what I'm talking about. At least in my neighborhood, Wal-Mart seems to be a family outing. If I want to pick up some Pantene Straight and Smooth Conditioner, for instance - it comes at a price - I have to squeeze through the narrow aisles past grandma and grandpa and their twelve grandchildren to retrieve it. And even though the store is always a mess and the aisles are far too crowded to accommodate everyone's shopping carts, on two occasions, I have abandoned my cart to shop for awhile "on foot," only to discover that Wal-Mart employees would rather restore the contents of my cart to their designated shelves than do anything about the overall disasterous condition of the store. Seriously. I have twice lost my cart at Wal-Mart halfway through my shopping experience and have had to start over.

The late hour, however, did not appear to have any effect on the overall number of customers in the store. I was shocked and amazed how crowded Wal-Mart is late on a Friday night. In addition to the constant cart traffic jams (one involving a crazy lady who was clearly talking to herself), I had to cope with the mess of restocking. There were motor operated inventory cart things and giant unwrapped boxes everywhere. I should note that this is not a 24-Hour Wal-Mart. Why they couldn’t wait until a few more customers had cleared is beyond me.

Anyway, here is what was going through my head the entire time I was in there: “I %#*^@*% hate Wal-Mart. I %#*^@*% hate Wal-Mart. I %#*^@*% hate Wal-Mart. I %#*^@*% hate Wal-Mart. I %#*^@*% hate Wal-Mart. I %#*^@*% hate Wal-Mart. I %#*^@*% hate Wal-Mart.” Nothing but expletives would suffice.

Thankfully, unlike with the crazy lady, these thoughts were not out loud.